Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
