just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
