I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
