Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
