Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
