You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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