You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
