I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
