tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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