I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
