just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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