Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
don't judge my taste in strippers
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
