Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
