6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
