In the future we'll all be gay
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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