Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
