At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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