just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
