Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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