Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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