The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
