vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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