so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
