Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
