u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
