Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
