I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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