So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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