you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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