god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
