you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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