You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
