Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
