I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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