"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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