She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
