His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
