That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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