She's JV to your varsity
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
