Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
