I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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