I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
