i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
high people should be assigned attendants
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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