Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
