Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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