super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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