In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
