I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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