i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
