I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
